


Life Line

by Quackyeon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Military AU, the warning is like a huge spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: Jongin and Tao write letters when Tao is serving in the military





	Life Line

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #: R2.268  
> Prompt: Military!AU ; Jongin writes and waits for Zitao, a soldier he loves who always writes and sends pictures back. Until he doesn't anymore.
> 
> I tried something new when it came to this fic so I do really hope that you enjoy this fic. It is also not nearly as long as I had intended but I suddenly got swamped and nearly died from the sheer amount of real life stuff going on. But it was still my baby so I really hope you enjoy it.

\- ❄︎ -

Zitao, 

It's been a few hours since you left to be deployed. I am both thankful and also angry that we only got to spend two weeks together before you had to leave again. I missed you when you're gone and when you're here all I can think about is doing as much as I can with you. I am glad that this time we managed to sort out signing for our apartment. I know you won't be here most of the time but it is nice to have something that is ours. 

You left your favourite jumper and I may or may not be wearing it. I wonder how you are doing and who you are with. I don't know how I live when you aren't here, our house feels so empty without your laughter filling it and the smell of your cooking in the air. I miss just seeing you on our sofa and I know it's going to be months before you come back. I'm not complaining too much. I mean you do have a job to do and it is a very important job as you're fighting for our freedom and I do enjoy being free. 

I wonder how it is out there, can you sleep well? Do you feel alone too? Maybe not because you're always around people. People who are going through the exact same thing you are. I tried to join one of those groups for people who's partners are in the army and I don't know about going, I find it awkward - I don't really want to tell everyone about our relationship because I'll cry from missing you. Maybe I'll go. 

Forever yours, Jongin. 

\- ☼︎ - 

Jongin, 

I hope you are enjoying your time, I know that you have a dance recital soon and I know you're going to be breath-taking. I hate that I am going to miss, yet another performance and I long to see you dancing again, and not the kind you were doing on our last night together on that bar in Itaewon. I want to see you dance ballet again, I want to see you feel the music in your soul and tell the stories you tell so well. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you dance, I never told you this but after we met for the first time I went to the recital that for the dance majors and I sat in the back of the theatre so you wouldn't see me and think I was creepy and I watched you dance. You were dancing to a number called _The Red Shoes_ and I could feel everything the character was feeling. I fell in love in that moment and I never looked back. 

Did you go to that support group? I really think it could benefit you, having friends who are going through the same thing you are. I mean talking to the guys here who have partners it really helps me. I love you and I honestly want you to feel less alone. I just miss you, and I want you to be ok. 

Always yours, Zitao.

\- ❄︎ -

Zitao, 

So I started going to a support group for people who were Army husbands and wives, and it's ok - I guess. We're not the only same-sex couple, not that I thought I'd somehow had the luck to date the _only_ gay man in the military. Anyway, Minseok is nice - his boyfriend is deployed now too and it's nice that someone can understand what we go through. We aren't married... and that scares me. What if something happens to you? What do I do then? Who do I call? Because I am not calling your mother to try to keep our beautiful house. Ok, I'd call your mom - but your dad hates me. Minseok is nice though and so are the other people in the group, but he is really my friend and the others are just people I know. 

You saw me dance the red shoes? For real? I didn't know you were there. I wish I had known. I mean, not that it would have changed anything because I'm yours, I'm completely yours. (Fun fact; the Red Shoes is a piece for women). It's my final recital - maybe the national ballet will pick me after seeing it, but I'm starting to lose hope - some people already have their contracts. What if my contract never comes? 

How are you doing? I know you're in the intelligence corps, but I do worry for you, I see the footage of the conflict online and I wonder how you can stand to see all of that. I just really want you to be ok. Promise me.

Forever yours, Jongin

\- ☼︎ - 

Jongin, 

How is Minseok? I am glad you have found someone you can talk to about everything that is going on. I never really understood how you could endure it all by yourself. It hurts me to think about, you trying to cope with all this uncertainty by yourself. I just want you to never be alone, because you are never alone in this world. If something happened to me, my family would never kick you out of our apartment, they would never take anything from you. I love you Kim Jongin, and one day I am going to marry you, and then we'll adopt beautiful dancing babies and I will see every single recital. I'll be the biggest stage dad you've ever seen, or a soccer dad, or a theatre dad, or a math dad if they studying. I can't wait to have babies and a family with you. I want it all. I'm going to give you it all. I just have a few years left in the army and we've gotten through so long, we just need to get through a little longer. 

You are going to get your contract. You're an amazing dancer. I love watching you perform more than anything in this world. You bring every character to life, you can do everything. Even I know most men do not know how to dance on pointe - but you learnt to improve your dancing. You're fantastic Jongin, and if they don't see that then it is, in the end, their loss. I believe you are going to get a contract, you just wait. 

I promise you Jongin, I am coming home to you. 

Always yours, Zitao.

\- ❄︎ -

Zitao, 

Minseok is great, we meet every week outside of the group as well. He showed me photos of his boyfriend and I showed him you. It's nice, maybe when you're back we should meet up and you can get to know him. I'm sure he's going to love you (but then I am bias). Your dad hates me though, Zitao, he might change his mind, blame me for your death or something and then leave me homeless. 

I got the contract, the day after I sent my letter. Next year I'm going to be a national ballet dancer, you're going to have a lot of flowers to send me. 

I miss you, I miss you more than I can tell you. I don't know how to explain any of this to anyone. I miss you like a part of me is lost out at sea. I've recently taken to sleeping on your side of the bed to keep it warm for when you come back. I know it's weird but it makes me feel just a little better about you not being here. I was thinking about our first date, I was so nervous, I literally begged Sehun to tell me everything about you and he'd ended up telling me about how you guys hooked up years ago and I was so worried I wouldn't live up to him. I mean, I'm just me. But you made me feel so at ease on the date, you just made it so easy to fall in love. 

Forever yours, Jongin.

\- ❄︎ -

Zitao, 

I know this is stupid, to write a letter to someone I know is dead. I know it is, but here I am, writing a dead man a letter. It's taken me a while, to accept this, you're not going to come through our door, you're not going to call me when you land, you're not going to send me any more letters, you're not going to do anything, you're not even going to breathe anymore. You're just not. It's not fair. It's not fair. You promised me. You promised me that you were going to come home to me, Zitao. You promised, but here I am, alone, in our stupid apartment, looking at our life that is in ruins now. Our life that is now my life. 

They knocked on my door and I knew, I knew you were gone. I tried not to cry in front of them but I ended up on my knees screaming for you. Joonmyeon sat with me for hours while I just cried into him, I don't even remember what they said to me, it was like the world became soundless and all I could hear was my heart shattering into thousands of fragments, scattering across in the wind, disappearing forever. Then I had to call your parents and that was awful, I felt it all surge through me again. Can I ever feel whole again?

You left me, you left me and I needed you, I need you, I need you every single day of my life. It's not fair, you let me get used to having you in my life, you are my oxygen, how can I live in a world without you? How can I breathe knowing you're in a box, you're in a box waiting to be sent home. You're alone in a box, alone. You died alone, I wasn't even there to hold your hand and tell you I loved you one last time. I didn't get to say goodbye. 

I hope you weren't afraid or in pain, I think about it every night, about you lying there dying - knowing I was never going to be able to hold your hand. Did you call for me? Did you call for your mom? Did you know it was the end? Did you feel pain? I just hope it was quick and painless, because I couldn't bear you suffering. They awarded you some medal, like that brings you back. Like anything could ever make up for you being taken from this world. 

You were right, your parents haven't kicked me out of our apartment, but they did come to take some of your stuff. I get it, they lost their son and I lost my world. We all lost our world. Minseok came over but I can't even look at him, I can't face anyone, I deferred my contract with the ballet because you were my music, the world is silent and dark now. I am missing part of me, I just really need you. It's selfish. I just can't function, all I can think of is missing you. How can I live Tao? How can I carry on? I just want to trade our places. 

You said you'd grow old with me. 

I guess not. 

Forever and Always, Jongin.


End file.
